escalator

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience." We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.
- Mitch Hedberg

laundry

i lean toward obsessive compulsive yanno, today i couldn't get my shirt tucked in quite right, or it wouldn't lay flat or something, it was bothering me... so later in the day, i went to the bathroom, and when i sat down on the seat (after thouroughly wiping it off) here comes a dryer sheet falling to the floor in front of me... it was a white shirt, i guess i never saw it.. it went for a ride downtown, the freeloader.

panhandler

a buddy took me to the blues game tonight, it was about 25 degrees outside.. of course, i left my coat in his car because i didn't want to carry it around during the game.. on the walk to savvis center, a guy, who smelled worse than the blues played that night, asked us if we had any spare money... i looked at him and thought, Hey, i'm also currently Cold, And out of Beer... Fend for yourself... then told him i didn't have any money, watched the horrible game and drank a few $7.50 not very cold draft beers...